5 Finger Discount
Sep. 30th, 2021 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
takethisforexampleI definitely do not shoplift regularly. I do not steal from large corporations for personal and ethical reasons. I have never gone into a store on multiple occasions and taken merchandise without paying. Shoplifting is immoral and wrong, so here are some tips on how not to shoplift from me (not a shoplifter).
1. Firstly, do not shoplift. Do not become disillusioned with capitalism and American culture. Do not think outside of the morals that you have been raised with and do not challenge authority. Live with what you have always known and feel intimidated by your moral code. It will serve you good to be a consumer, you know, to support the economy.
2. Do not go into Target between 5:00 - 7:00 PM when it is not dead, but not too busy. These are the perfect conditions for shoplifting, and you may develop the urge to steal from these conditions alone.
3. By all means, avoid wearing baggy clothing with lots of pockets and long sleeves. Especially jackets with pockets on the inside. Immoral shoplifting scum hide small and slender items in their sleeves, and put larger items close to their torso, which is wrong and horrible.
4. Avoid using folded clothing as a way to steal merchandise. Do not hide the items in the folds and walk nonchalantly through self-checkout. The underpaid employee watching the self-checkout area cares deeply about upholding the law and will definitely notice if you do this.
5. Do not think they can't see you. Big corporations enlist only the most professional staff to ensure security in their stores. Every night, these employees stay after their 10 hour shifts to watch the security footage intently, and they will find you. Believe that there is no escape from the law, and be comfortable in your complacency.
Remember, shoplifting is a disgusting crime committed by murderous lowlife punks and impoverished mouth breathers. I would know, because I am a normal middle class citizen with unchallenged beliefs (and not a shoplifter).
1. Firstly, do not shoplift. Do not become disillusioned with capitalism and American culture. Do not think outside of the morals that you have been raised with and do not challenge authority. Live with what you have always known and feel intimidated by your moral code. It will serve you good to be a consumer, you know, to support the economy.
2. Do not go into Target between 5:00 - 7:00 PM when it is not dead, but not too busy. These are the perfect conditions for shoplifting, and you may develop the urge to steal from these conditions alone.
3. By all means, avoid wearing baggy clothing with lots of pockets and long sleeves. Especially jackets with pockets on the inside. Immoral shoplifting scum hide small and slender items in their sleeves, and put larger items close to their torso, which is wrong and horrible.
4. Avoid using folded clothing as a way to steal merchandise. Do not hide the items in the folds and walk nonchalantly through self-checkout. The underpaid employee watching the self-checkout area cares deeply about upholding the law and will definitely notice if you do this.
5. Do not think they can't see you. Big corporations enlist only the most professional staff to ensure security in their stores. Every night, these employees stay after their 10 hour shifts to watch the security footage intently, and they will find you. Believe that there is no escape from the law, and be comfortable in your complacency.
Remember, shoplifting is a disgusting crime committed by murderous lowlife punks and impoverished mouth breathers. I would know, because I am a normal middle class citizen with unchallenged beliefs (and not a shoplifter).
