![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
At The Margins
Sep. 23rd, 2021 08:26 amIt's finally fall.
Honestly, I'm excited this year. Life is so wildly different than it was a month ago and there is a lot of change happening in my life at the moment. I think I'm doing alright, though. I'm not having the college experience I anticipated, but I'm not disappointed in the slightest, either. Instead of going to parties and socializing I've mostly resorted to considerable crime and skinny dipping. Yesterday I stole two small bottles of wine and I've shoplifted from Target twice. I probably shouldn't talk about the other stuff but you get the idea, I'm a menace. I feel no regrets about my behavior and it doesn't scare me anymore. I am approaching the abhorrent margins of society.
I feel a bit out of place at school because I am out of place. I'm pretty shy and don't look approachable, so I was worried I would have trouble talking to others. I have made one good friend, though. His name is Vic and he asked me to get coffee with him after class last week. I was taken so off guard when he asked me, and I was more than happy to sit down and get to know him. He's a cool guy, and we share a love for learning which makes our conversations interesting. He has a lot of happiness and compassion in his heart and that's really refreshing for me at the moment. I think it's important to have normal people in my life considering that I mostly concern myself with sociopaths, drug addicts, and mentally ill criminals who are one bad trip away from inpatient.
And I say that because I've been hit with a bit of misfortune. Yesterday I woke to a wall of text from that close friend whose name I can't say, and she just admitted to the psych ward. Apparently she did a bunch of DMT, LSD, and weed the other night, felt like she was dying, and went what I can only call insane. Just absolutely gutting stuff. Stuff I saw coming, stuff I couldn't do anything about. Stuff that no one knows what to do about. I was devastated by what she sent me specifically because she still expressed her gratitude for me in her darkest moment.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but this is reality of many of my friendships. The people I care about the most are fucked up people with fucked up issues. Normal people don't deal with a fraction of what some of these people are going through, and I can say that with confidence. They are all outcasts and freaks and I have their back no matter what. They are at the margins.
Honestly, I'm excited this year. Life is so wildly different than it was a month ago and there is a lot of change happening in my life at the moment. I think I'm doing alright, though. I'm not having the college experience I anticipated, but I'm not disappointed in the slightest, either. Instead of going to parties and socializing I've mostly resorted to considerable crime and skinny dipping. Yesterday I stole two small bottles of wine and I've shoplifted from Target twice. I probably shouldn't talk about the other stuff but you get the idea, I'm a menace. I feel no regrets about my behavior and it doesn't scare me anymore. I am approaching the abhorrent margins of society.
I feel a bit out of place at school because I am out of place. I'm pretty shy and don't look approachable, so I was worried I would have trouble talking to others. I have made one good friend, though. His name is Vic and he asked me to get coffee with him after class last week. I was taken so off guard when he asked me, and I was more than happy to sit down and get to know him. He's a cool guy, and we share a love for learning which makes our conversations interesting. He has a lot of happiness and compassion in his heart and that's really refreshing for me at the moment. I think it's important to have normal people in my life considering that I mostly concern myself with sociopaths, drug addicts, and mentally ill criminals who are one bad trip away from inpatient.
And I say that because I've been hit with a bit of misfortune. Yesterday I woke to a wall of text from that close friend whose name I can't say, and she just admitted to the psych ward. Apparently she did a bunch of DMT, LSD, and weed the other night, felt like she was dying, and went what I can only call insane. Just absolutely gutting stuff. Stuff I saw coming, stuff I couldn't do anything about. Stuff that no one knows what to do about. I was devastated by what she sent me specifically because she still expressed her gratitude for me in her darkest moment.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but this is reality of many of my friendships. The people I care about the most are fucked up people with fucked up issues. Normal people don't deal with a fraction of what some of these people are going through, and I can say that with confidence. They are all outcasts and freaks and I have their back no matter what. They are at the margins.
