Self Portrait 10, "The False Self"

Feeling III: I Really Like Ants

I love staring at ants for prolonged periods of time. I know this sounds almost humorously stupid but it's something I have done my entire life. Every spring when the weather warms up, there are ants near this one small area in my kitchen, and I just sit down and watch them a couple times a week. I think it's so interesting how ants work and communicate. I like watching them tap their antennas when they bump into each other and slowly explore the expanse of my tiled floor. They are complex animals that work in such a unique and organized fashion, and it makes them incredibly efficient. Unlike humans, ants always have their shit together.

Admittedly, the ants in my kitchen live a spoiled life. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I deliberately put crumbs on the ground near their home just so I can watch them slowly dissect it all bit by bit. It captures my attention so easily, even as an adult. Millions of years of evolution occurred for me to witness that natural process. Ants are the hallmark of biotic life, the way they function in their colonies and endure the trials of nature. How lucky am I to be able to appreciate that? No ant farm or sea monkey aquarium could ever equate to the ants in my kitchen. They are, in essence, the lifeblood of my pitifully sparse attention. I could never hurt one. I am very careful about where I step in my kitchen from March to October when they are conducting their ant business. I wish I could be an ant for a day instead of the looming creature that stares down at them. I genuinely wonder what that would be like.

This entry is painfully innocent. I don't really care. I just really like ants. I think they are kind of underappreciated.