Feeling V: Guilt
Jul. 8th, 2021 07:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
takethisforexampleI've had a hard time dealing with feelings of guilt in the past, because I'm the type to feel guilty very easily. Obviously when I make mistakes or upset people I become remorseful because yeah, that's what one does. I know I'm not alone in turning that emotion over and over in my head. I hate bringing pain or discomfort to people unintentionally, and that's not really outlandish. I've met many people who feel similarly, in that they work themselves up over these small ways in which they feel like they've bothered others. No one likes to hurt people or feel like a burden, and that's why I think guilt is an especially relatable emotion to me. I've always gotten along with those types... the people who don't want to seem a burden in the slightest and are very conscious of it. I can empathize strongly with humble individuals.
I've been told that I'm a meek person. And it's true- I just want people to be happy. The guilt of hurting anyone is a destructive, hollow emotion and I cannot move past it in the slightest. I don't even like asking my friends for change. But then again, I know better than to live my life a spaniel to those around me. I like to be frank, I'm not terribly obsequious, but I feel remorseful or frustrated by my actions often. I hurt people on accident sometimes and I don't exactly know how or why. I am socially inept and egotistical at times, too, which is pretty ironic. But I never want to harm people, no matter how bad I am at upholding that.
This isn't a pressing issue in my life or anything, though. I'm writing about it because I want to understand it better. I know that I bring much more joy to others than I take away, and I establish good communication in my relationships so that I can be held accountable for my mistakes. I'm not nearly as offensive as I used to be in my early teens, nor am I some sort of sycophant. What I need to work on is being mindful about what I say to others, but not taking it too hard if I mess up. There's a balance there that I think I can achieve, so the two need to work together if I want to improve this aspect of my life. I think that's a pretty fair conclusion.
However, in the meantime, I will continue to think about trivial things I did eight years ago as if they are crimes against humanity.
I've been told that I'm a meek person. And it's true- I just want people to be happy. The guilt of hurting anyone is a destructive, hollow emotion and I cannot move past it in the slightest. I don't even like asking my friends for change. But then again, I know better than to live my life a spaniel to those around me. I like to be frank, I'm not terribly obsequious, but I feel remorseful or frustrated by my actions often. I hurt people on accident sometimes and I don't exactly know how or why. I am socially inept and egotistical at times, too, which is pretty ironic. But I never want to harm people, no matter how bad I am at upholding that.
This isn't a pressing issue in my life or anything, though. I'm writing about it because I want to understand it better. I know that I bring much more joy to others than I take away, and I establish good communication in my relationships so that I can be held accountable for my mistakes. I'm not nearly as offensive as I used to be in my early teens, nor am I some sort of sycophant. What I need to work on is being mindful about what I say to others, but not taking it too hard if I mess up. There's a balance there that I think I can achieve, so the two need to work together if I want to improve this aspect of my life. I think that's a pretty fair conclusion.
However, in the meantime, I will continue to think about trivial things I did eight years ago as if they are crimes against humanity.
