Ricky Life Update
Jul. 23rd, 2022 10:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
takethisforexampleAs summer goes on I feel like the only things that occur to me to write about have been my frustrations. There has been a lot on my plate recently between work, love life, general commitments, etc.. Recently I've been dealing with a level of stress that I'm not exactly comfortable with, but they say that responsible people can handle more and more stress as time goes on. At least that's what my mom says. I take it with a grain of salt. A lot of things that I would've written about a year ago have become routine to the point where it's not notable, which is fine and normal, except I feel I don't have new experiences to fill the void. Not good ones, anyways. I think August will definitely change things up a bit for me and give me some good topics for writing.
I don't really want to talk about that stuff though. It's just useless conjecture.
Yesterday I had a day off of work (I've been working my ass off- that's another story) and I went to the lake. It was just like the first time I swam there, with mayflies everywhere on the surface and turtles poking their heads out of the water. It wasn't as magical as the first time, obviously, but the water was just as warm and welcoming. It is a little piece of comfort I give to myself when I am so overwhelmed. I stayed there for awhile yesterday, swimming to the lakebed and then relaxing on the shore for awhile, watching an E-2D from Dover make its rounds above Galloway. For me it doesn't really get any better than swimming in nature whilst gazing at remarkable aircraft. That's like two of my favorite things. I still wish I could share it with someone, but I guess being alone is nice, too. I've been spending much more time in the presence of other people lately so it feels nice to just have some time for myself.
My job, at least, to some extent is helping me satisfy my need for constant human interactions. Delivery is difficult, but I meet a lot of people in a very short amount of time. (And a lot of pets, too.) Unlike with other strangers, delivery is fast paced which allows me to gush positivity at people without looking weird or not knowing how to end the interactions. I have the safety net of having to get back to work. I also have a lot of time during the slower hours to get to know the workers at the restaurants. My favorite place to deliver for right now is this sub shop in Northfield which is family-owned. There is a girl there named Alaina who is so sweet and easy to talk to. She's usually there with her step mom, Noelle, who is snarky and a bit hard to read. Sometimes when Alaina isn't there, their family friend Abbi is and she's all sarcastic and sort of intimidating in my opinion (albeit hilarious). There's also Noelle's husband Joe who owns the place and he's funny too. They are always laughing and talking while they work and for the most part, have no problem talking to me and graciously giving me food on the house. I swear people at these restaurants will make you accept their charity at no relent. I always feel bad about that part, but it's funny. Last time I worked there I just waited until they weren't looking and put a tip in their tip jar. Another place I worked was this pizza joint while their usual driver was on vacation. I'm a bit sad I won't work there again because the owner always made sure I was well-fed. One time he made me a whole ass pizza during my shift and then gave me garlic knots for the road. His name is Guy and he said something pretty right-wing once so I feel better about taking food from him. He reminds me of my dad a bit, honestly. The food was great. Overall this job is the best I've ever had because of things like this. I also like the freedom it gives me, and the whole tip-based wage thing keeps it surprising. It might sound weird to someone else but it works for me.
One of the biggest differences in my attitude last summer compared to now is having more prominent feelings of dissatisfaction with the social, political, and physical state of my country. I haven't really liked America for awhile, but the more I learn the more it stings. I feel more accustomed to seeing bullshit in my every day life, and I feel frightened by this imaginary ticking time bomb... this, like, possibly irrational sense that America is completely beyond hope and rapidly failing. That's probably the only way I can really put it. It just weighs down on me constantly. I feel a strong sense of otherness here even though I have positive interactions with other people. No matter how friendly people are with me I know they don't think about things the way I do. Who knew it would be so lonely to be anti-American in America? I understand why other people don't see things the way I do, but God I wish I knew more people who did. I think, at this point, I will need to leave here to be happy. Not in a dramatic sort of "I need to renounce my citizenship" type of things. I just want people who see the Pledge of Allegiance as brain-numbingly ridiculous as I do. Here you can only find people like that at punk shows and Trader Joe's.
Welp, I have no idea how to end this one. I guess, maybe I'll mention that I've fallen back into my inescapable interest in aviation. Today I spent like 40% of my shift thinking about planes which is sort of a lot. Last night Corey and I were watching those plane crash video essays and we put Kevin MacLeod music behind them to fuck with the serious tone. You'd have to try it to understand. I haven't laughed that hard in ages.
I don't really want to talk about that stuff though. It's just useless conjecture.
Yesterday I had a day off of work (I've been working my ass off- that's another story) and I went to the lake. It was just like the first time I swam there, with mayflies everywhere on the surface and turtles poking their heads out of the water. It wasn't as magical as the first time, obviously, but the water was just as warm and welcoming. It is a little piece of comfort I give to myself when I am so overwhelmed. I stayed there for awhile yesterday, swimming to the lakebed and then relaxing on the shore for awhile, watching an E-2D from Dover make its rounds above Galloway. For me it doesn't really get any better than swimming in nature whilst gazing at remarkable aircraft. That's like two of my favorite things. I still wish I could share it with someone, but I guess being alone is nice, too. I've been spending much more time in the presence of other people lately so it feels nice to just have some time for myself.
My job, at least, to some extent is helping me satisfy my need for constant human interactions. Delivery is difficult, but I meet a lot of people in a very short amount of time. (And a lot of pets, too.) Unlike with other strangers, delivery is fast paced which allows me to gush positivity at people without looking weird or not knowing how to end the interactions. I have the safety net of having to get back to work. I also have a lot of time during the slower hours to get to know the workers at the restaurants. My favorite place to deliver for right now is this sub shop in Northfield which is family-owned. There is a girl there named Alaina who is so sweet and easy to talk to. She's usually there with her step mom, Noelle, who is snarky and a bit hard to read. Sometimes when Alaina isn't there, their family friend Abbi is and she's all sarcastic and sort of intimidating in my opinion (albeit hilarious). There's also Noelle's husband Joe who owns the place and he's funny too. They are always laughing and talking while they work and for the most part, have no problem talking to me and graciously giving me food on the house. I swear people at these restaurants will make you accept their charity at no relent. I always feel bad about that part, but it's funny. Last time I worked there I just waited until they weren't looking and put a tip in their tip jar. Another place I worked was this pizza joint while their usual driver was on vacation. I'm a bit sad I won't work there again because the owner always made sure I was well-fed. One time he made me a whole ass pizza during my shift and then gave me garlic knots for the road. His name is Guy and he said something pretty right-wing once so I feel better about taking food from him. He reminds me of my dad a bit, honestly. The food was great. Overall this job is the best I've ever had because of things like this. I also like the freedom it gives me, and the whole tip-based wage thing keeps it surprising. It might sound weird to someone else but it works for me.
One of the biggest differences in my attitude last summer compared to now is having more prominent feelings of dissatisfaction with the social, political, and physical state of my country. I haven't really liked America for awhile, but the more I learn the more it stings. I feel more accustomed to seeing bullshit in my every day life, and I feel frightened by this imaginary ticking time bomb... this, like, possibly irrational sense that America is completely beyond hope and rapidly failing. That's probably the only way I can really put it. It just weighs down on me constantly. I feel a strong sense of otherness here even though I have positive interactions with other people. No matter how friendly people are with me I know they don't think about things the way I do. Who knew it would be so lonely to be anti-American in America? I understand why other people don't see things the way I do, but God I wish I knew more people who did. I think, at this point, I will need to leave here to be happy. Not in a dramatic sort of "I need to renounce my citizenship" type of things. I just want people who see the Pledge of Allegiance as brain-numbingly ridiculous as I do. Here you can only find people like that at punk shows and Trader Joe's.
Welp, I have no idea how to end this one. I guess, maybe I'll mention that I've fallen back into my inescapable interest in aviation. Today I spent like 40% of my shift thinking about planes which is sort of a lot. Last night Corey and I were watching those plane crash video essays and we put Kevin MacLeod music behind them to fuck with the serious tone. You'd have to try it to understand. I haven't laughed that hard in ages.
