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takethisforexample) wrote2022-04-18 11:34 am
takethisforexample) wrote2022-04-18 11:34 am
Entry tags:
I'm Back
A lot has happened this past month. Too much. I feel like I've experienced mental whiplash, and my writing is totally out of shape because I just couldn't find the motivation to write. Things happen, life changes, yada yada.
I guess the first thing to mention is that I finally got a job. It's at the Surf Mall in Ocean City and it seems like an okay fit for me so far. It's basically just retail, but since most of our patrons are vacationers it makes for a unique variety of merchandise and business practices. One of the most important parts of my job is watching for shoplifters, which apparently is a huge problem there. I have two managers who I have worked with so far- Chris and Hank. Chris is okay, he wasn't very happy when I told him I'll be gone for two weeks in August and is a bit aloof compared to Hank, who is easier to get along with. He's taught me the ins and outs of my job and we have a good dynamic on the sales floor. Hopefully I do a good enough job to stay there.
I also started birth control last week. I think today is day six. There were a few reasons why I was considering this but stopping my period is at the top of the list since it brings me gender dysphoria. If the side effects of estrogen aren't too bad, I will be able to eliminate most of my discomfort and hopefully live much more comfortably. It feels good to have this level of control over my body, and to my surprise my parents didn't really seem to mind it. It's covered by insurance anyways, so I didn't really feel a need to go behind their backs like August tends to do. They just had their uterus removed and didn't even tell anyone until the week before, but that's a whole different story. I talked to them on the phone about it and they said they feel "very transgender".
More recently I've been dealing with clinical depression again. I don't think I was regularly keeping this journal the last time this happened to me, but I have Lexapro prescribed for when it does. Honestly, I always forget that I have clinical depression. It's easy to when you don't experience it that often. What matters to me is that I'm still functional. My grades have slipped slightly since I started to feel it but not to the extent that I'm super worried about it. It's just a lot of not wanting to get out of bed, feeling hopeless, not eating, etc.. I feel much more responsible for myself this time around so it isn't as bad.
School has been alright. I'm not really fond of the impression I think people have of me there. It's not necessarily bad, but I'm just so self conscious I forget where that line is drawn. I'm supposed to accept an award on Thursday at the Communication Department's end-of-year party. I don't know what the hell that entails, but hearing that it was happening made me honestly super awkward. I can't think of anything I've done that deserves an award and I really don't want to be recognized for anything so hopefully it isn't as big of a deal as the PR majors have made it out to be. You know they are good at hyping things up.
Radio is good. Gibraltar is still sick. Everything else worth talking about needs to be put in a private entry. I promise a lot has happened, the details always escape me in front of the screen. I just want to be concise so I remember what the fuck is going on in my life and don't lose track. I'd say, in terms of writing, I am out of shape. Well, physically also. And mentally.
That's college for you.
I guess the first thing to mention is that I finally got a job. It's at the Surf Mall in Ocean City and it seems like an okay fit for me so far. It's basically just retail, but since most of our patrons are vacationers it makes for a unique variety of merchandise and business practices. One of the most important parts of my job is watching for shoplifters, which apparently is a huge problem there. I have two managers who I have worked with so far- Chris and Hank. Chris is okay, he wasn't very happy when I told him I'll be gone for two weeks in August and is a bit aloof compared to Hank, who is easier to get along with. He's taught me the ins and outs of my job and we have a good dynamic on the sales floor. Hopefully I do a good enough job to stay there.
I also started birth control last week. I think today is day six. There were a few reasons why I was considering this but stopping my period is at the top of the list since it brings me gender dysphoria. If the side effects of estrogen aren't too bad, I will be able to eliminate most of my discomfort and hopefully live much more comfortably. It feels good to have this level of control over my body, and to my surprise my parents didn't really seem to mind it. It's covered by insurance anyways, so I didn't really feel a need to go behind their backs like August tends to do. They just had their uterus removed and didn't even tell anyone until the week before, but that's a whole different story. I talked to them on the phone about it and they said they feel "very transgender".
More recently I've been dealing with clinical depression again. I don't think I was regularly keeping this journal the last time this happened to me, but I have Lexapro prescribed for when it does. Honestly, I always forget that I have clinical depression. It's easy to when you don't experience it that often. What matters to me is that I'm still functional. My grades have slipped slightly since I started to feel it but not to the extent that I'm super worried about it. It's just a lot of not wanting to get out of bed, feeling hopeless, not eating, etc.. I feel much more responsible for myself this time around so it isn't as bad.
School has been alright. I'm not really fond of the impression I think people have of me there. It's not necessarily bad, but I'm just so self conscious I forget where that line is drawn. I'm supposed to accept an award on Thursday at the Communication Department's end-of-year party. I don't know what the hell that entails, but hearing that it was happening made me honestly super awkward. I can't think of anything I've done that deserves an award and I really don't want to be recognized for anything so hopefully it isn't as big of a deal as the PR majors have made it out to be. You know they are good at hyping things up.
Radio is good. Gibraltar is still sick. Everything else worth talking about needs to be put in a private entry. I promise a lot has happened, the details always escape me in front of the screen. I just want to be concise so I remember what the fuck is going on in my life and don't lose track. I'd say, in terms of writing, I am out of shape. Well, physically also. And mentally.
That's college for you.