Meditation
Dec. 13th, 2021 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
takethisforexampleI think if I had to choose between the two, I'd rather be blind than deaf.
Back when I learned about meditation and practiced it more frequently, I read somewhere that sensory deprivation was the key to subjecting oneself to the vulnerability and focus needed to meditate. In CBT I was encouraged to practice meditation specifically because of this; actively engaging with secondary senses was a helpful grounding technique for overstimulation and has saved me on numerous occasions. Common practices taught in meditation are identifying secondary senses to create a unique "image" of an environment and its subtleties, and also to become present. For me, it helped develop my listening skills especially. I think now I'd rather be in a permanent state of listening and not seeing than seeing and not listening. Things like language, conversation, music, and the sounds of places are more moving to me than anything I can see.
With everything going on in the world and in my life I find it hard to get back to formal meditation, even though I know from experience how beneficial it is for me. A lot of my writing here recently has been bitchy and conceited to say that least, even though I know I'm better than that. I used to take 15 minute chunks every day to close my eyes and think and I want to meditate like that again. I hardly practice voluntarily anymore, but some of the traits I developed from meditation are as potent as ever, especially traits that keep me happy. And that's where I think meditation and mindfulness practices are misunderstood in general. It's not sitting with your legs crossed and your fingertips together until you float, it's taking time to understand yourself and changing your mindset. When I was really honed in the art, back in late 2018 and early 2019, I would meditate on the bus, at school, and anywhere I really felt I could. I definitely attribute that practice to helping me deal with things I was going through at the time, and I was able to come out of situations as healthily as I probably could. I suddenly found ways to manage my OCD and anxiety, and I became a stronger person. Meditation is much more redeeming as an unconscious behavior than an active "tool" that is only used on occasion. The introspective skills that I developed during regular practice are without a doubt the most important ones I possess now because they enable me to have control over my mind and my body in a way that I never had previously.
Specifically with mediation, I remember one of the first realizations I made was that I am the only person who has control over my reactions to the outside world, and that totally opened the gate for me. It is a lot of responsibility to wake up to, and I think it's very... human to deviate from that line of thinking. Knowing that simple fact is the foundation for more intuitive, meaningful thinking. For instance, to elaborate on reactions, I think the next best epiphany was understanding that life is a very trivial, little thing that is hard to keep in perspective. We should think about what really matters to us, and what is really important in life. It's humbling to ask ourselves those questions, and it can change a person overnight. Suddenly a scuff on your new shoes doesn't annoy you. Being late for something is no longer so upsetting. And then you work yourself up to bigger things like getting lost or a fender bender or a parking ticket. Even if you want to let things like that get to you, why would you choose to be so angry all the time? The best realization to make is straight up that shit like that isn't worth it, especially if it's out of your control. It's not THAT important. You can choose to let it go and remain levelheaded. Once you get a handle on that, everything changes because suddenly you can evaluate if something is important and react to it accordingly. It can be something as simple as that. And yes, I'm aware that with all the stupid frustrations and triumphs I talk about on here it probably seems I don't take my own advice, and in some cases it certainly escapes me, but I hardly ever feel agitated by things that are out of my control anymore. Did wonders for my OCD, honestly.
I guess that's more of an example of evaluating what isn't important, though. When it comes to important things, introspection forces you to redefine your goals and intentions. I asked myself the same question for several different time brackets. What's important to me now? What will be important down the line? And what's important to me overall? Well for the first one, I can certainly say that my relationships are important to me, and establishing healthy support networks for myself. Down the line I place importance in stability, a meaningful career, and travelling. What is important to me overall, and I've stated it here before, is understanding as much as I possibly can about the world and being a genuine and loving person. Yes, even though humans have essentially doomed the world at this point. That can be a very overwhelming sense of hopelessness at times, but again, it's out of my control. I’d rather work with what I’ve got than feel limited by issues I can’t fix.
Those are just a couple key things that I've learned from meditation. I could get into how it made me a better person and changed my relationship with myself and my body, but ultimately I think it's better for people to come to those things on their own. Things like that are honestly pretty private to me, even though they are probably great writing topics. There came a point with meditation where I was completely in control of myself, and it has mostly stayed that way since. I place a lot of value in that. I was not exactly the most self-disciplined or happy child growing up despite my innocence, so I'm glad I was able to learn from it. In the end, I don't really regret or even loathe any of that because it eventually got me here, didn't it? Well, it's not like I endured the most despairing horrors known to man either, so maybe I just had an advantage.
Regardless, it doesn't change the fact that introspection flipped my life around completely at one point. I really should get back to practicing meditation. It's why I'm able to handle dissociation at the grocery store and also the reason I started keeping a blog. But it's more than that, too. I hope that many people are able to find the peace and relief that I have found in it. Especially with the current state of the world.
Back when I learned about meditation and practiced it more frequently, I read somewhere that sensory deprivation was the key to subjecting oneself to the vulnerability and focus needed to meditate. In CBT I was encouraged to practice meditation specifically because of this; actively engaging with secondary senses was a helpful grounding technique for overstimulation and has saved me on numerous occasions. Common practices taught in meditation are identifying secondary senses to create a unique "image" of an environment and its subtleties, and also to become present. For me, it helped develop my listening skills especially. I think now I'd rather be in a permanent state of listening and not seeing than seeing and not listening. Things like language, conversation, music, and the sounds of places are more moving to me than anything I can see.
With everything going on in the world and in my life I find it hard to get back to formal meditation, even though I know from experience how beneficial it is for me. A lot of my writing here recently has been bitchy and conceited to say that least, even though I know I'm better than that. I used to take 15 minute chunks every day to close my eyes and think and I want to meditate like that again. I hardly practice voluntarily anymore, but some of the traits I developed from meditation are as potent as ever, especially traits that keep me happy. And that's where I think meditation and mindfulness practices are misunderstood in general. It's not sitting with your legs crossed and your fingertips together until you float, it's taking time to understand yourself and changing your mindset. When I was really honed in the art, back in late 2018 and early 2019, I would meditate on the bus, at school, and anywhere I really felt I could. I definitely attribute that practice to helping me deal with things I was going through at the time, and I was able to come out of situations as healthily as I probably could. I suddenly found ways to manage my OCD and anxiety, and I became a stronger person. Meditation is much more redeeming as an unconscious behavior than an active "tool" that is only used on occasion. The introspective skills that I developed during regular practice are without a doubt the most important ones I possess now because they enable me to have control over my mind and my body in a way that I never had previously.
Specifically with mediation, I remember one of the first realizations I made was that I am the only person who has control over my reactions to the outside world, and that totally opened the gate for me. It is a lot of responsibility to wake up to, and I think it's very... human to deviate from that line of thinking. Knowing that simple fact is the foundation for more intuitive, meaningful thinking. For instance, to elaborate on reactions, I think the next best epiphany was understanding that life is a very trivial, little thing that is hard to keep in perspective. We should think about what really matters to us, and what is really important in life. It's humbling to ask ourselves those questions, and it can change a person overnight. Suddenly a scuff on your new shoes doesn't annoy you. Being late for something is no longer so upsetting. And then you work yourself up to bigger things like getting lost or a fender bender or a parking ticket. Even if you want to let things like that get to you, why would you choose to be so angry all the time? The best realization to make is straight up that shit like that isn't worth it, especially if it's out of your control. It's not THAT important. You can choose to let it go and remain levelheaded. Once you get a handle on that, everything changes because suddenly you can evaluate if something is important and react to it accordingly. It can be something as simple as that. And yes, I'm aware that with all the stupid frustrations and triumphs I talk about on here it probably seems I don't take my own advice, and in some cases it certainly escapes me, but I hardly ever feel agitated by things that are out of my control anymore. Did wonders for my OCD, honestly.
I guess that's more of an example of evaluating what isn't important, though. When it comes to important things, introspection forces you to redefine your goals and intentions. I asked myself the same question for several different time brackets. What's important to me now? What will be important down the line? And what's important to me overall? Well for the first one, I can certainly say that my relationships are important to me, and establishing healthy support networks for myself. Down the line I place importance in stability, a meaningful career, and travelling. What is important to me overall, and I've stated it here before, is understanding as much as I possibly can about the world and being a genuine and loving person. Yes, even though humans have essentially doomed the world at this point. That can be a very overwhelming sense of hopelessness at times, but again, it's out of my control. I’d rather work with what I’ve got than feel limited by issues I can’t fix.
Those are just a couple key things that I've learned from meditation. I could get into how it made me a better person and changed my relationship with myself and my body, but ultimately I think it's better for people to come to those things on their own. Things like that are honestly pretty private to me, even though they are probably great writing topics. There came a point with meditation where I was completely in control of myself, and it has mostly stayed that way since. I place a lot of value in that. I was not exactly the most self-disciplined or happy child growing up despite my innocence, so I'm glad I was able to learn from it. In the end, I don't really regret or even loathe any of that because it eventually got me here, didn't it? Well, it's not like I endured the most despairing horrors known to man either, so maybe I just had an advantage.
Regardless, it doesn't change the fact that introspection flipped my life around completely at one point. I really should get back to practicing meditation. It's why I'm able to handle dissociation at the grocery store and also the reason I started keeping a blog. But it's more than that, too. I hope that many people are able to find the peace and relief that I have found in it. Especially with the current state of the world.
