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Lottery Ticket
Mar. 19th, 2021 08:37 pmMy birthday passed recently. I bought my first lottery ticket at the local convenience store the other day. I reserved a $1 bill in my wallet for the occasion (usually I don't carry cash at all). It felt wrong, using a ticket machine to buy a lottery ticket. It makes no sense. In fact, I've done this countless times before at 16 or 17. But this time it felt different. It felt wrong because it was legal. I can no longer break these types of arbitrary age-related rules, and that is a horrifying deprivation. All my life I have made a point in savoring my youth, and when I eventually became a teenager, I feverishly attempted to be stupid on purpose. Really, I don't think I achieved much in that arena. Becoming an adult has taken away the joy of doing things illegally.
I will have to become more creative now. Some things will always be illegal, like embezzlement or tax fraud. But those feel too intelligent for me and frankly quite unexciting. I'd rather do something fun like throw bricks at cop cars or steal shopping carts or something, but I don't have it in me. I guess I will stick to vandalizing my local overpass and getting crossfaded every other Tuesday in my bedroom. It's boring.
I am often described as mature by older people. I don't feel mature, though. I feel rushed and jaded, and tired. Very tired. To me, maturity is trying to feel like a child again. Being a good kid is what others call "mature". And I'm just a good kid at heart I guess.
I will have to become more creative now. Some things will always be illegal, like embezzlement or tax fraud. But those feel too intelligent for me and frankly quite unexciting. I'd rather do something fun like throw bricks at cop cars or steal shopping carts or something, but I don't have it in me. I guess I will stick to vandalizing my local overpass and getting crossfaded every other Tuesday in my bedroom. It's boring.
I am often described as mature by older people. I don't feel mature, though. I feel rushed and jaded, and tired. Very tired. To me, maturity is trying to feel like a child again. Being a good kid is what others call "mature". And I'm just a good kid at heart I guess.
